Fading Further

The lights grow dimmer

with each passing day..

As I count my steps

And remember!

His picture sits on the nightstand

his voice still lingers!

The beast is roaring, sleepless nights

of his face just out of reach!

It comes  with a shiver through your veins

what will they say this time!

Brace oneself< warrior!

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Being a Single Mom & Visually Impaired

Hello Again!  Happy Monday Morning!  The sun is shining, the birds are tweeting, It’s bitterly cold out, somehow it’s still Refreshing!

I have to say that being a single Mom and visually impaired has its struggles,  however I would not trade my little ones for the world.   They are my joy & bring me more happiness than I ever thought possible.  My children are my sunshine on gloomy days, when I think I can’t take another step, their little giggles and laughs  keep me going.

Now I wont lie, some days when my head hits the pillow my eyes are so exhausted from all the chaos of the day, they just don’t want to open for hours, sometimes when I walk in the door I just have to put myself on auto pilot.  But God gets me through and I just keep going,  Because that is just what Moms do!  Days do not end the way we plan, you never know what is next, or how much homework they are gonna have.  It’s a true journey!  I am so happy I get to share it with them, life lessons, adventure,  struggles!  One thing we do know we have each other.   Both of my kids know without a doubt if they have a problem to come to me, we will talk about it, make a plan of action if there needs to be one, or if they just want to vent.  Whatever the case may be I am so glad they both know they can come to me or each other!   Is our life perfect, Of course not, we do not live in a mansion and have all the money we want to do whatever we want.  We do have each other, happiness, & all that we need.

Obstacles we Face

  • Transportation
  • Anxiety in public ( making sure your kids stay close)
  •  Grocery Shopping
  • Helping with Homework  (the worksheets are small a lot of times I have to use my special magnifier)
  • Menus
  • Signs
  • Programs

There are so many things that people don’t realize, the younger the child the more difficult, and anxious a Mom can be.  As our children grow older, it is important to teach them, Stay close to me in public, hold my hand, don’t go off and leave me.    When we would go to the store I would try to make it fun as possible.   I was really nervous,  “help me find the green beans” or  When they started math during grade school years, we would do less than & greater than.   Another way to bring learning into it but it also helped me tremendously.   Unless it’s a big sale I cannot read the price tags at the bottom.  As my son got older (he’s 17 now) he just knew to help me, look for prices over time, or what I was looking for.  My daughter is only 10.   We still do some of the price games she now knows,  do not run away from me.  Help me find things on our grocery list,  lets look at prices and see which is better,  although we have some brands we do stick to,  like Heinz.    They are now both to the age that they know;  hey Ketchup is on sale this week and we are low, so they ask,  Should we get it now or do you want to wait.? It wasn’t always this simple though.  Some days when we would get home from the grocery store I would almost be having an anxiety attack,   It was chaos but Don’t worry it gets better!

School

When they got out of school, I had to teach my kids to watch for me as much as I was watching for them. Programs both of my children were always in programs so I would have to make sure I would sit as close as possible so that I could see them, also teach them to wave when they saw me.  If I could pinpoint them then I could keep them in my null point and see them.  They might be blurry but I never wanted  to miss their special moments & always wanted them to know,  I was there cheering them on! Accomplishments are very important!   Homework has become a little tricky especially from when I went to school.  It has also changed just in the years between my children Which makes for a lot more on the parents.   I keep my hand-held magnifier in my purse at all times so that when in question I have it   If you are struggling just take a deep breath and keep going.  Some days I didn’t know how I would make it through but I am here to say I did, if I could do it and am doing it so can you!  It’s a miracle that I have made it this far in life and to have 2 wonderful children and survived thus far!  Keep your head up shoulders back and know You Got This! No It’s not easy but it is well worth it!   I love being a single Mom!   I am fortunate enough that My Mom helps me out a lot but there is a lot I still do independently!

I hope these tips and experiences help you in some kind of way and if you ever have a question please don’t hesitate to ask!   I started this blog to try to help others in similar situations.   If there is something  I have not mentioned and you would like to know more about or have a question please speak up

If People only knew

Uniquely Us

It was a beautiful sunny morning, a bit chilly but so refreshing to see the sunrise, my cup of coffee and the smell of crisp fresh air!  I stopped for a moment to enjoy it!

We all seem to be in such a rush most days, especially in the morning it is nice to get up and just enjoy a few quiet moments.  All this talk Of Valentines day around the corner, the shelves at the store are full of red and pink.  I am happy being single though!  For a long time I felt i needed a man to feel accepted.  I have realized through my past experiences that is so untrue.  I needed  to be pleased with who I am,  now I  can happily say that I am!   I have decided this valentines I am going to spoil myself,  I don’t need a man to do that.   I can simply do it myself.   For a long time because of my  disability I felt like I was less of a person but Now I have realized with learning who I am, accepting and knowing my strengths and weaknesses,  how to accept myself and love who i am,   as Me!

Living and learning a lot about myself and my disability has taught me so much.

We are all unique in our own ways!  Some people forget we all have our own setbacks!

Looking Back…

One thing My Dr. always told my Mom,  do not treat her differently,  well sometimes I am so grateful for that piece of advise and others it really made it difficult.   I am thankful because it made me stronger!  Yes,  I endured a lot.  Remembering back as a child,  I was bullied because of my eyes,  I was pushed around however  it made me stand up for myself when it counted most and that has made such a big difference in my life.

 

When frustrations turn into laughs

You look back at things you faced, at the time you thought were boulders and realize it was a stepping stone for the next experience, Some are lessons some are to make you stronger.  Ultimately, we are all made differently, but we can and do share some of the same feelings, frustrations, hurdles, and we are meant to use the experiences to help ourselves to be stronger or help others,  serving for a plan that we may not completely understand but have Faith and hope.  When there are days you just have to stop and cry because you have just been strong for to long, other moments you just have to stop and have a good laugh,  What ever makes it a better step for you.  Not all days are good, sometimes its months, I just try to remember one thing. If you look within really hard you can find something to be grateful for.

Peoples Reactions
I do wish sometimes people understood it actually takes work for me to look at you and keep my eyes focused, or when you leave something in the middle of the room I really just don’t see anything but a blob until I focus my eyes into it. As I have gotten older the reactions have changed from childhood, surprisingly I have even had some of the most childish responses! Its like really, were your ever taught manners! I learned a long time ago to not let it bother me. If I did I would be a completely different kind of person.

Looking back at the time, some of them have perturbed me, made me laugh, shake my head, smile to myself, and wonder. Most importantly I let it run right off my back. just a few to share and get a little laugh

  • What are you looking at (as they look around trying to figure out)  What I wanted to say but didn’t of course (“you ya big moron weren’t you sitting there talking to me) but I know my eyes move and it can be deceiving at times.
  • Walking by someone and say hi (they start looking around “were you talking to me” with a mean face or hateful    roflmbo (I have said before No I was talking to them and point a whole different directions and leave them scratching their head)  Sometimes you just have to have a laugh when people choose to be so cruel
  • if they are being sincere and nice I am the same of course!  I don’t have to see your face to know what kind of attitude you have because I can feel it.  That is the good thing about not being able to see.  I can feel others presence and animosity, along with many other feelings.
  • one day this lady stopped and asked if I needed help, I accepted, she was so kind I about fell over she said “oh My” we both laughed and carried on!  One key factor is being able to laugh at your mistakes! There is a big difference in being laughed at and laughing with someone.

There are more but I will leave for another day!

When things seem overwhelming just remember keep going! Take another step! Don’t give up!  Hope you all have a wonderful weekend! If you have any questions please let me know! I hope you enjoyed and got a little giggle or two!

A New Day

So many times  I look back at what all I have conquered, some at which I felt, especially at the time they beat me.  However the lessons made me stronger and over time it made me grow into who I am now.

I still have a way to go but I remind myself that it is good to reflect on how far I have come, accomplished, and been through.

Some of the scars left behind most in which people cannot see to the blind eye but I carry them never the less.  It is breathtaking!

As I count my blessings I look forward to a brighter future, doesn’t mean it will be easy just a new Start.  Although my impairment may limit me to some things it has truly been empowering to see and appreciate so many things that others take for granted.

A new chapter to my life has come as I have started this new blog, trying to help those that have impairments like I.  I feel so compassionate about wanting to help those and through my experiences I hope that it does or at best helps one realize, all people go through struggles and hang ups.

One thing I fell into was a trap, that bound me for years:  When I graduated school so many years ago I was ready and set for the next chapter of my life.  I Had my Mom which was my rock and helped me through so much as being visually impaired.  I had a father that would not admit there was a thing wrong with me, he just came and went as he pleased, told me I needed to go get my license and get out into the real world which just tells you how much he didn’t know anything about me or care,  seeing that I could not See.  I am legally blind. I had to go about things in a different light.  He would say I am just making excuses, he never tried to understand my situation.  Then I had my boyfriend that I thought the world of.  I was set to go to vocational rehabilitation, my Boyfriend at the time tried to talk me into getting married and staying home but I wanted to go into the workforce and make my own way.   Well there are a lot of things that we don’t see when we are young and are very gullible. I had been on an interview and got my first job when suddenly I became really ill.  I didn’t know what was wrong with me!   I was pregnant and high risk at that, needless to say I had to end up turning down the job,  My oh so wonderful boyfriend talked me into marrying him and staying home as a homemaker.  I remember him telling me so vividly to this day “Oh baby, just stay home, I will take care of you and this way getting you to and from work wont be such a hindrance on everyone!”   Wow,  was  I young  and dumb!  I fell for it and there started a life of mental and psychological abuse!  At the point  I thought my Dad was bad and he was hardly around unless he was trying to impress his next victim of a woman to play his o poor pitiful me act on!  I began a life of always second guessing myself, never saying anything right, being on a burden, feeling worthless, etc.  after years of marriage counseling and lots of blame being put on me I realized it was never going to work because he would never admit to any wrong! No I was not perfect however not everything was my fault either.  3 years later and a long drawn out divorce I am free of him and moving forward  Some days it seemed days were so long and how would I ever get through them but Here I am today typing this to let you know that It is worth it! I have battled so much and been through a lot and have learned more than I ever thought.  That is one of my promises to myself Learn something new daily!

One very important piece of advise I can give anyone is do not let anyone tell you that you’re not worth it!  You can’t do anything! You are a hindrance on all around you!  Sometimes those phrases come up in my mind and I have to force them away!  I may not make a million dollars but I can be independent!  IF someone tries to keep you from what you want in your life WALK AWAY!

A FEW TIPS

  1. You can be and create yourself to be whatever you want!
  2. Know your strengths and weaknesses
  3.  Meditate daily
  4. Strive for the best You!
  5. most importantly LOVE YOURSELF!!

I hope this helps you in some way! I never thought I would be where I am today Here I am shoulders back head up and a smile from ear to ear!  I used to be that sad girl deep inside with my head down like life had beat me down but I overcame and now I get up and Face what comes my way!  Every day is different!  I hope you have a lovely day and remember

You are your own best advisor! No person knows what you want more than yourself so Go For IT!

 

 

Overcoming Obstacles as a Visually Impaired Single Lady

A few Obstacles “we” as visually impaired people face out in the world!

Why does a blind person usually order the same thing at a fast food chain!?!

Anybody have a guess?

Well  It’s not like we can see the menu  up  above the people taking your order,  Do we see the bright light, some of us,  can we read the writing?   No!   Can we see the pictures? They look like blobs to most of us, we sure couldn’t tell you if it was chicken or beef, Haha  I apologize I had to throw that in there.

Some thing so simple most take for granted they don’t even think twice about it.

Now one thing the Blind person can do in this situation is ask:

  • What’s on the menu?
  • Do they have anything new?
  • Do you see something you think I might like to try?
  • Should I stick to my regular today?

If you are with Someone unable to see some helpful hints while out

  • Give some suggestions off the menu (if you know the person well, chances are you have an idea of what they like, if not  easy break down is good enough, hamburger, chicken sandwich,  etc.
  • Let them hold on to your arm If they want Some do & some don’t
  • Let us know when a step is coming or the ground is uneven these things are very helpful!
  • At night when walking in a parking lot or such & someone is walking toward have a word or if  we have our arm wrapped around yours have a gesture that the person already knows and this is important especially this day and age.

These tips are more for those that are visually impaired and I am speaking from life experiences, not from a book or a DR.  Just a Lady that has lived through it and knows what has helped, made my life more difficult.  So far I have overcome many obstacles but It’s just part of the Journey!

Our Journey is What We Make of It!

Hope these little tips help you along the way! Thank you for reading! Hope you have a Wonderful day!

 

Life at a blur

Hello Everyone!

I want to start off by saying,  I was born visually impaired!

Although life may not be easy I have not let it stop me!

I have already beat the odds, or should I say statistics and am still surviving!  I do walk with scars in which many can’t even see and there vision could be perfect for all I know!

I have conquered many things that doctors said I would not do, others have tried to knock me down along the way, but I get up Fighting,  fierce as fire, I know I was created for a reason!

I have lived with trial, &  error.  The Doctors were really unsure of what I could see from a distance, there were no surgeries my problem has a lot to do with my brain and the receptors that send messages back and fourth. . Back then there were not support groups,  help tips for parents you just figured it out along the way.  My father could not handle having a child that there was something wrong with her, so like a coward he left!  My Mom worked full time and fortunately my Grandma helped her with me as much as she could.  By the time I was 3, they decided it would be best to move in together as I also had other medical problems and Mom was in and out of the Doctor a lot with me.  At such an early age they were still figuring out what I could see and not.    lots of great memories my whole life!  Have I had obstacles?

Yes!

Which leads me to why I am starting this blog.   A few unexpected turns have led me to where I am now.  I am now a single mom and am unable to drive. It has been interesting but I am very fortunate to have a family that is supportive.

Something that has been ticking in my mind for quite some time now is one very important Question, What am I here for? What is…

My passion!

As I was writing my goals,  creating a vision board & to do list for the Upcoming year, something kept leading me back to writing!

  • writing
  • organize & keep tidy
  • be more adventurous
  • get out of my comfort zone
  • Journal
  • find my passion
  • Hobby
  • weekly to do list
  • exercise
  • write daily in gratitude journal
  • write 30 minutes a day
  • help children & parents w/ children with visual impairments understand what their kids go through
  • volunteer at a nursing home
  • spend more time reading
  • learn something new daily.

That’s kind of when it hit me so then the next question came Ok Lord,  you want me to write!  I want to make a difference in people’s lives!  It does seem difficult because I am reliant on people, to take me places, get my kids to school, grocery store, etc.  So what do I write about that hasn’t already been done a thousand times.  while praying and patiently waiting on his answer going forward doing my usual routine, also adding to since I had a few resolutions to push me further out of my comfort zone!   I put my faith in Him and knew He would answer when he felt I was ready.

As I was writing last night in my journal, God spelled it out for me, look at the obstacles you face, remember when you were only a child with  not much guidance, or understanding from those around you,  no one in your family really understood what you could or could not see, some of your family members even were mean others were supportive, some you saw plain pity, that’s a lot of emotions for a child not even to mention how you felt,   Others could see and you couldn’t.   One of my favorite  “check this out” I would look but would have no idea what they were talking about” or don’t see what they are pointing at.  Sometimes I would  ask them to explain it, as others I would just say ok,  This is just small examples of what a child that has low vision goes through on a daily basis.  Examples like this are just the Sprinkles, nowhere near the icing yet.

Which leads me to why it finally really sank in. Writing about the difficulties I have faced, the experiences I have come across along my journey, could help others better understand their loved ones that have low vision and may help those that are blind I just more focus on low vision because that is what I deal with and think it would mean so much  to those supportive loved ones in our lives better understand, what we go through, things that they do that they may not realize how much it hurts us, or puts obstacles in our way, without even realizing what they are doing.

  I have created this blog  for support for low vision people of all ages!  As well as their family & loved ones or those that live with low vision people

So here I am to give you a little insight on what it is like being visually impaired,  I do not blog about the medical part of vision just the day-to-day living, ideas that have helped me and a little insight on those things our loved ones do that may cause obstacles for us that they have no clue or don’t think about because guess what they can see!

  • Emotional side of low vision.
  • Moral Support for us
  • Information to help those that are around us better understand
  • Life lessons
  • Ideas

I am far from perfect and don’t claim to be.  I am just reaching out to those who want to better understand & also  Sometimes it’s nice to know someone out there in the world deals with the same frustrations, and yet appreciation all at the same time,  I know It doesn’t make sense but it does to the ones that feel it.  We know our loved ones are just trying to be helpful in most cases they are and sometimes it just makes it more difficult.

I’m very excited about this new adventure!

If you have questions or something you would like to share I would love to hear from you.

My Goal is to help other visually Impaired Individuals

I look forward to Starting this new blog to help those that are visually impaired out there! To know your not the only one out there that struggles, fights to keep going some days, laughs at the simple things that people that can see take for granted!  You may as well laugh because otherwise it may make you bitter, angry, sad, frustrated, etc.  I could go on but whats the point in looking at the negative.  We are here for a reason and it is more than depending on others!

This blog is also here to maybe give those that are around us some simple tips, that you may do that I have come across that make me think why would they do that but I know why, because they can see it where as I do not. My goal is to be upbeat and uplifting! although we all have rough days, Here are just a few things I will mention to give you an idea

  • Leaving the silverware drawer ajar!….. I know sounds so simple right (well when we are home it is like our comfort zone so no we are not using all our energy focusing on the little things! Is it that hard to close the drawer!
  • leaving laundry on the floor!  Yes at 3 am when we get up to use the restroom we do not see the clothes laying on the floor! Our foot gets caught & next thing you know you find yourself face planted on the floor! Funny Now Ok yeah I can get a laugh was it then Heck No!
  • Putting steak knives in the sink when you hand wash the dishes,  Really this is or can be for anyone, Are you gonna remember it’s there! Come on people!
  • So a package comes in the mail or better yet, lets box this stuff up then you get side tracked doing something else,  Blind person goes to put something up, trips over the box because it’s on the  floor and they don’t see it and guess where they end up.  Yes these things have happened to me and this is just to name a few!

So  I hope I have given you a little insight on just a few things, we go through on a daily basis that people just don’t really thin about.  When you are living with someone who has vision problems there are a few things to keep in mind!

Whether you be a family member, Significant other, husband/wife, child, parent or even just a friend.  These are a few tips to consider that normally would not matter but in our world makes a big difference!  Especially when you move something!

Hope you enjoy and will be lots more to come

When in public!